Having your first baby is magical! Here are some spells how to control the magic.

Unrealistic expectations around the transition to parenthood can make things complicated. The pressure (from family, friends and society) to feel overjoyed, super blessed and grateful for every precious moment with your new baby can feel intense.

When it comes to pregnancy, giving birth, breastfeeding and baby care, people seem to drop every sense of reality. Friends, family members and even strangers believe they have the right to give very opinionated advice to expecting parents.

There is no other area in our lives where we find a bigger gap between myth and reality. Dropping unrealistic expectations, ignoring a good amount of the recommendations, gossip and listening to your gut feeling can free parents from guilt and a lot of unnecessary baggage (including super expensive baby equipment).     

Trust yourself, your intuition and your gut feeling (also called motherly instinct).

First time moms usually totally underestimate their parenting abilities. All the people around you (friends, family members, healthcare professionals, experts, books and Google) give you tons of good advice and some of it might be very helpful. But they are not YOU and most of them do not know anything about your baby. Not even your mom or your mother-in-law. The only person in the world that knows you and your baby perfectly and inside out is YOU. So drop all of your self-doubts and trust your motherly instinct.

Every mammal can do it and so can we! You can read 1,000 parenting books and I am sure you will learn a lot of helpful things, but in the end it will be you and your inner mommy voice that make all the important decisions.

Babies are not delivered with a parenting manual, but with the strongest feeling on earth, mother love (and daddy love, of course!) Let it guide you.

Simplify your life, stay flexible and do not plan too much for the first few weeks.

First time parents tend to underestimate the transition to parenthood. When I had my first baby I was shocked how intense the first few weeks were. Even though I worked in Neonatology and dealt with babies every day, I was not prepared for the 24/7 job with my own newborn at home. After the first week I said to my colleague, “It is like never-ending night-shifts without a break during the day. I don´t know if this is how it is supposed to be and how to survive. Maybe I am doing something wrong.”

And then I started doing a few things right. I stopped inviting people to my house to see the baby. I ignored my phone. I slept whenever my baby slept (day or night) and realized that PJs work 24/7 as long as nobody sees you. I learned you could eat cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I ordered almost everything online: groceries, food, baby stuff, etc.

I accepted help that made my life easier and friendly declined all the well-intended helpers that created more work for me. This anti-social behavior was not what I had envisioned for my start into motherhood, but it freed me and I enjoyed a wonderful, magical time with my new baby girl. After a few weeks everything becomes so much easier and you can dive right back into reality. And if it goes really well, even with make-up and a nice blow-dry, people will say, “Wow, you look great! And you are so relaxed.” You are just glad they didn’t see you two weeks prior.

Spoil your baby.

Fulfilling the basic needs of a newborn is absolutely crucial. Babies need food, warmth, sleep, lots of close body contact and love. That sounds pretty easy, but unfortunately they need it 24/7 and on their own schedule. When I was a first-time pregnant pediatrician I remember claiming, “I really want my baby to adapt to my life and my schedule. I believe it is not healthy when parents adapt to the babies schedule and it dictates the whole family life.” LOL!

Today I cannot believe that these words came out of my mouth. What a funny idea! Unfortunately newborns do NOT adapt to their parent’s schedules. They need what they need. Some people might warn you not to spoil your baby. Do not carry them around too much. Put them down as much as you can. Do not pick them up when they cry; they need to cry it out. Let them sleep in their own bed in their own room. Only feed them on a fixed schedule. The baby needs to learn and accept the rules.

Newborns do not know anything about rules or schedules. They live in the present moment. Their brain does not perform any abstract thinking and they have no concept of the past and the future. They just need what they need. And the better you meet your little babies needs the safer they feel and the calmer they become.

Spoiling your baby with immediate responses to its needs will actually make things easier. In fact, studies show that increased carrying of your baby throughout the day is very beneficial. It significantly decreases the daily crying and fussing and increases the overall contentment, especially in the evening hours that can be very challenging.

I truly believe the relative lack of carrying in our society predisposes to crying and colic in normal infants. That's good news, because it means that there is a good tool to make life with your new baby easier and less stressful. You can carry your baby in a sling or another type of carrier, so your hands are free and you can do something else. Your baby will be happier, because you meet their needs and as a result you will be able to follow some daily routines. And one magical day your baby might actually adapt to your schedule.

Spoil your little infant and there will be lots of time to teach the rules when your child gets older. And it will be so much more efficient when they have a more mature brain that has the capacity to process concepts.